I was thinking recently, "what is going on?" I mean in life; what is going on? Do you ever feel like life seems so random? Have you travelled that same valley - laying in your bed crying out to God, "Where are you?!" Has something ever torn, no, clawed at your heart for years? You know that it should not be that big of a deal, but your heart rebels against all practicalities. Have your dreams ever haunted you? Yeah, me too. I know life is not always "that intense," but sometimes we look around and it seems like we are buried deep within the sand with only our fingertips reaching the surface. What is going on? The funny thing to me is that God does not promise that life will be easy, so what do I really desire? I have to confess that a deep desire of my heart is to know that God is working; that He is moving; that there is purpose. Honestly, if I was left to my own effort, there would be no hope. I would screw everything up. I might be able to look good for a while, but my attempts at perfection will eventually crash. So I turn to Jesus. Do I turn to Him just because I want Him to make my life into a "success story?" I might do that, but it's not right. What do I want? God, are You in control? Are you working all things together for good to those who love You, who are called according to Your purpose? Will I know Your presence and love even in the deepest pain and loneliness? O God, I am a little child and I know it. No, I am a baby, and truly I will perish if You do not feed me. I look to You; I cry out to You. Abba, are you working? Do you love me?...
" I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning." - Psalm 130:5-6
